ADHDer Living with Roommate with Autoimmune Disorder

Q: I was just diagnosed as ADHD several months ago. My very dear friend and room mate has MS. We have been close but there has been a lot of rough areas in our relationship and with this new diagnosis things have gotten worse. Do you have any data on ADHD folks living with someone with MS or autoimmune disorders? The diagnosis has helped me to cope a bit and put so much of my life in perspective, but I am afraid that this may not be the best living arrangement. My friend is very active for someone battling MS for almost 30 years and at first glance you would never know there was a disease such as MS present. Thank you!

So I did a quick search and (not surprisingly) I didn’t find much in the way of data about an ADHDer living with someone who is battling an autoimmune disease. The closest thing I could find were some articles about having both ADHD and an autoimmune disorder.

With that said, it sounds like you are questioning the living arrangements in general?  Not just because of your new diagnosis?

ADHD can be problematic in relationships, as we do not communicate very well sometimes. So it makes sense that we might have trouble with any sort of living arrangement. We are not easy to live with, you know? And your roommate is dealing with a lot as well.

I would focus on the relationship itself, healing that, making decisions about where YOU stand –  and then determine if you need to be apartment hunting.

Here are some resources:

• This one is about anger in relationships – https://add.org/tadd-2017-diminishing-anger-relationships-impacted-adhd/
• This is a website devoted to “marriage” but worth looking into – https://www.adhdmarriage.com
• Check out Ari Tuckman (I’ve heard him speak and I love him) – https://tuckmanpsych.com

Stay well! And thanks for reaching out!

xoxoxo

– Liz