Q: On top of having ADHD, being diagnosed as a child, I had a very rough childhood with a mom who did not want her kids. What do you suggest for me to do to work on being happy with me with my ADHD so that I can be the best mom, wife, and person that I can be? I know I get myself in a mess with volunteering (I am on the PTA board at my kids’ school) and work and I go to school online full time and I help run my husband’s business. Did I mention that I have 3 kids (ages 12, 10, & 5)? Life is so crazy…..I know that I need to at least change the negativity I have about myself but I do not know how.
Liz’s Answer: You and I have some things in common. Namely the whole..”wanting to be the best person we can be.”
It sounds to me like you are doing all of the things. Working, parenting, volunteering, learning and just about anything else that requires you to focus on something outside of yourself. My question would be – do you like getting up in the morning?
I ask this because a few months ago someone asked me the same thing and it completely cracked me open.
I was dividing my energy in 20 different directions and I wasn’t doing any of it as well as I wanted to.
These days, I have narrowed the field:
- My work with ADHD women
- My family
- Mental/physical health.
It was tough to drop some of the commitments I had made, but after I did I found that I had more energy for the other stuff.
People pleasing and perfectionism are quite common in women with ADHD. By serving others we are somehow making up for what we think** we lack. When we do things for others we also get to forget, for just a minute, our own internal struggle.
Sometimes it’s hard for us to see ourselves clearly, particularly with ADHD. We benefit from an outside perspective in this regard.
Have you considered an ADHD Coach or support group?
Talking to someone helps to get you out of your own head and prioritize based on your values.
Resources for you:
If you are a member of adda there are support groups. Resources -> support groups https://add.org/adhd-support-groups/
Here is a link to my support group – https://healthyadhd.lpages.co/coaching-corner/
Here is a link to the addca coaches directory – https://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/ADHD-Coaches/
Whatever you decide to do, give yourself some grace. You have three children! yowza!
I always tell people, “ADHD is an inside job.” It’s ok to focus on YOU sometimes – that’s how you become the person you want to be.