The Light In The Darkness

By: Rapunzel Ware

I was tested and diagnosed with ADHD at age 7 in the 1st grade. That’s when I first remember feeling different from my peers. I endured dark blows of criticism and negative affirmations from those that surrounded me.

I didn’t want to acknowledge or accept my ADHD because I thought  it would always make me a  target for negativity. For many years I continued to struggle and suffer by not acknowledging  my ADHD nor willing to seek medical help to stay on top of it.

Through those years of struggle I was depressed and even suicidal.  For the majority of my teenage years I battled with self-mutilation by harming my wrists for pain release. I never told my mother or father what I was struggling with because I wanted to keep it all to myself. My life was very dark and hard to deal with. Being ashamed or not acknowledging ADHD caused a lot of darkness.

It wasn’t until I gave birth to my second child and was diagnosed with postpartum depression that I was forced to deal with my other conditions. During that time I was retested for ADHD and began giving my diagnosis the proper attention.

To negate the depression I move myself and process those thoughts. I also see a therapist and psychiatrist  who are wonderful in assisting me. For my ADHD I’ve learned to take it nice and slow. If I have to review something more than once I don’t consider it an issue.

I am relieved now as an adult I’m able to live with ADHD and depression because I know that it is just a part of my life. This is the light in the darkness that is not giving either diagnosis power over me.

    • carrieaallmon
    • May 23, 2019
    Reply

    Rapunzel,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. Besides ADHD, I also have ‘bonus’ mental challenges of anxiety, depression, Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia, and emotional dysregulation… life is ROUGH sometimes, for sure! It helps to connect with others who also have these challenges and understand what we go through.

    I’ve been on a personal mission to be open about my ADHD to everyone, including my employers… AFTER I’m hired 😉 (This is NOT something I recommend for everyone, of course, as your mileage may vary 🙂 )

    I bring it up in a very conversational way (as I haven’t asked for accommodations so far, so I don’t see a reason to have an official meeting with HR), like mentioning a certain type of stressful desk job was not for me, “I have ADHD, so being stuck behind a desk for eight or nine hours was definitely not for me!” I laugh, keep it light, then move on to the next part of the conversation. What’s been working for me is to lead with my upbeat take on it. That way, it’s getting it out there, I’m not hiding from it, and it’s all good. I just happened to overhear a short clip of a basketball player being interviewed saying matter of factly, “It is what it is, I can’t control it…” Which is prettymuch how I feel. I can’t control my mental challenges as they occur, but I can control my attitude about them.

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