My Wife Thinks I’m Losing It
By: Marty Levine
I learned I had ADHD when I was 85 in 2015. My wife kept complaining that I was losing “it”. She thought I might be developing Alzheimer’s. So, I phoned the Veterans Affairs and told the young lady, “My wife thinks I’m losing it”. They did a CT scan and put me through six hours of testing. That’s how I found out I have ADHD.
It occurred to me I’ve had it all my life. As a child and teenager I had been a “nerve end, hyper, manic-depressive”. I was always thought of as the little guy with the big mouth. I was a poor student and never a team player. My family just accepted my behavior and assumed that I would outgrow it. They said, “Marty is different.”
When I was diagnosed with ADHD it gave me a feeling of being freed. What made me different now had a name.
As I grew older I am more of a loner. I don’t feel a need for social contacts. For most of my adult life I have been self-employed, but when I worked for someone else, I would do my job as if I owned the company I worked for. My employers were always pleased with my work ethic and were not happy when I left.
When I came home from the Korean War I immediately signed up for classes at a local community college. I got a job at Lockheed Aircraft working the swing shift to support myself. I failed miserably at college and knew I’d better get help to figure out what to do to make a living.
That was the first time I asked the VA for help. They sent me for vocational counseling. They determined I had a 99.5% aptitude in business administration and a 98.5% in artistic traits. I went to the library to seek the help of a research librarian. I wanted to find a “depression proof” vocation that fit within my aptitudes. I found that the beauty industry actually grew in the 1930’s and 40’s. I started cosmetology school and knew I was home; this was my profession for life.
Let’s get back to the present…
My wife of sixty years said that I have always been difficult to live with but she noticed a change in me this year. I was becoming more difficult to live with and was having more problems recalling things she told me. It frustrates her if I respond to her complaints in what she calls a childish manner.
I recently had three events in succession that moved me to seek help for the most profound depression I have ever experienced. The first was after I had completed a project I had been working on for eight years and realized I had no one to share it with.
On my 80th birthday I decided to teach myself to play the piano, unfortunately I had trouble with learning and remembering the notes. When I converted the notes to numbers it solved that problem. During the past eight years I have transposed 545 popular songs from musical notes to numbers. The second event was when I realized that I no longer had the stamina to complete my chores in a timely manner. The third and most crushing event was being diagnosed with macular degeneration.
I went to my primary provider who referred me to a counselor which led to a visit with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist would not prescribe medication for an eighty-eight year old man, but he did recommend trying a therapist to help combat the depression.
Now that I’m in the winter of my life and look back, I have to say that I am thankful that I have ADHD. That may sound strange but if it wasn’t for my non-conformity, the driving force that kept me going, I never would have enjoyed the life I’ve had.
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I suffer from ADHD and I have been told many times that I am like a great- dane always in your face. That broke my heart, oh others have said we aren’t saying this to hurt your feelings, and we know you don’t mean to be in someone’s personal space but you never take no for an answer with people, and that exhausts people. It is so hard to hear that oh “you don’t have friends because you are really hard to deal with sometimes” I have one personal friend who is 13yrs older than me. He is my best friend and I appreciate all his comments and sometimes it is hard to take when he tells me I am to loud, or I am to manic, or settle down you are just too hyper. I hate being labeled all the time. I think it is very important to talk with someone about your life’s story and have someone you can vent to. Stay strong I know it’s hard but I know you can do it.
That’s so brave of you to post all of your ADD symptoms. It’s nice to know that we are not alone in it. Not that I want anyone to struggle also. Just nice to hear others stories. I was also diagnosed later. At about 27. It made me sort of happy that what had been making trouble for me all my life had a name. It took my neighbor to diagnose me and my daughter with Tourette’s syndrome. Her son has it. I’ve neever heard of it. I thought it was a nervous habit. Didn’t know why I did those things. Was worried when I noticed my daughter with some of the “tics”. I guess you can say we with ADD are more creative and have a different vibrancy when it come to life. we have a zest 😁
People with ADHD tend to be more creative than those without it, or so I am told. I would bet that a lot of people with ADHD would love to learn to play the piano but do not have the patience or attention span to learn and practice. The numbering system you came up with could easily be an answer for a lot of children. Whether you came up with it yourself or found this process on line somewhere, you really should consider sharing it with others. This would be a tremendous gift to share. The fact that you found this website and were comfortable enough posting tells me that you are at least somewhat comfortable with the internet (a lot of 65+ yr olds don’t even try.) Think about starting your own Youtube channel with the numbering system as your course. And because people with ADHD tend to have a short attention span, you can limit each video to 15-25 minutes long. It’s really a great way to share what you have figured out and now know while giving children (and adults) with ADHD an opportunity to learn to play an instrument but never had the patience to stick with it.
People with ADHD are not necessarily lacking in patience. That can be a symptom, but not always the case. I have ADHD and yet some people have said I have a lot of patience. I was just made aware that I have the disease in the last 2 years. I am 67 now. unfortunately I was not diagnosed until I was 65. You are so correct about the creativity. I was in an engineering office and some of the most difficult calculations I was able to perform because I was able to focus on one issue and that one issue alone. Focus on more that one issue at a time was very problematical for me. Remembering conversations was difficult, so I took notes. I still have problems hearing and understanding speech.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am 41 now and I only recently understood I have Aspergers Autism. I was always wondering why it is so difficult for me to understand others and act in a way that is considered “normal”… now that I know more about my condition, I feel better and even was able to have friendships.
Thank you so much for your story. I am now 76 years old and did not find out about me ADHD until I was in my 50’s. I also have a problem with my memory and started worrying about it constantly. One day I realized that if I have ADHD, of course I am going to have memory problems. When I finally woke up to that realization I quit going into a panic if I don’t remember a word. My friends that don’t have ADHD also have problems with bringing a words to their mind. I am so thankful that you shared your story.
Marty – Your story is so honest and compelling. It gives me hope that my striving and life-long learning to understand myself and manage depression and anxiety will not diminish with age. I’ll be working on it until the end. Thank you, Marty.