International Peer Support Group

Mark Taylor

My name is Mark, and I can say that the last 4 years have been a journey unparalleled in my lifetime. In the latter half of 2017 annoyed at the lack of satisfactory treatment for my severe depression, I went to a men’s health clinic. After a two-hour consult, I had an action plan. Rule out a sleeping disorder as these can disrupt your moods the Doctor said. I was diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea.

Next on the list was a trip to a psychiatrist to primarily review my medication and see if a revision was required. After an hour-long session, MRI (I have a brain!), bloods and heart monitoring I returned for another session. Questionnaires and some fascinating questions and he looked at me, and said I’ve concluded, based on your history and the lack of anything organic in your diagnostic tests, you have type 1 bipolar disorder. We need to develop a plan, a document which covers all your care from medication up to hospitalization.

I walked away from that session feeling numb. Halfway between the clinic and the train station, I sobbed. On the train I looked at the prescription for Lithium and I sobbed. The next day I filled the script at my pharmacy and my life forever changed. I slowly began to feel a stability that I had never felt before. When I saw my psychiatrist again, he reviewed my progress favorably and he looked at me, and quietly said, ‘Mark, I think you should consider trying the practice of meditation and mindfulness’. Usually, this is where I scan the room for the nearest window to gaze out of and loose myself in. His room only had a door, at my back. My ears pricked up when he said “Then he said there is scientific evidence of the benefits. There are some pretty good apps which guide you through it, like headspace”.

Sure, enough I scoured the medical literature, and found a range of studies, whilst small, they added up to something. I downloaded headspace and began a whole new path of my life. I have learnt walking meditation which I find particularly soothing. The next year or so goes well. I am stable and can reflect on what a hypomanic and manic event is. A year and a half later and I visit my psychiatrist with a large cup of coffee. It’s a 4pm meeting and he asked me about the Coronavirus. Twenty minutes later, I finished. He leant over to me slightly and said ‘have you ever noticed how you tend to follow your interests?’ I nodded. He asked me how many cups of coffee I had that day. I stared at the roof saying this was my 8th. Two meetings later, including a discussion with mum, and I have some new letters to add to my name, ADHD. I learnt much after that. One startling thing is that people get diagnosed at 52! I think we all go through a similar process as we come to terms with a new situation to deal with. Well, I was not doing at all well. I was feeling so many feelings; baffled, upset, annoyed, irritable and moody. I decided to pull myself together and research it on the net. That’s where I found my twin saviors, Jess McCabe and ADDA! I have not looked back since. I have met the most amazing, beautiful people, all unique, all diverse, all molded by a few letters. I have even joined the meditation group, which is perfect.

I have found at times, in the quiet after mediation my mind will wander. One day I found myself reflecting on my work life. Many years in the healthcare sector, Hospital Pharmacies, Clinical Trials, quality assurance, Regulatory and Medical Affairs in the corporate sector. Through this work, I have impacted many lives for the better. All with Bipolar Type 1 and ADHD. Now I know, I must have been following my interests!

Who knows what my mind will ponder around my next quiet moment?