How do I get help for my adult daughter who is unmotivated?

Q: My 32 yr old daughter/roommate was diagnosed at age 8, was prescribed Dexadrine which her father and I did not give her. She is REALLY ADD, is addicted to online gaming, ie Dungeons and Dragons, etc. says is the one thing that gives her joy.  Now the education I am receiving at ADDA is helping me understand her better. I am 71 and REALLY need her help with the housework, how can I encourage her to do so?

You are certainly in a tough spot. I know you love your daughter and want the best for her, but you also need some help.

It sounds like your daughter might be struggling with her emotions, motivation, and other (totally normal) ADHD symptoms.

Many of us have been unable to perform in an, “adult” world, and so have suffered a tremendous blow to our confidence and sense of self-efficacy.

If she is open to it – Learning more about ADHD, and meeting other women in her age range with the diagnosis, might help her to see herself more clearly. And in a supportive environment she might start to dream again. Here on the ADDA website we have live meetings available to members, so definitely look at that.

I’m not sure of your situation allows it, but I would also recommend looking for a therapist. A therapist who is knowledgable about ADHD might be able to help her manage some of the emotional aspects of the diagnosis, as well as the typical patterns of thought that impede our success.

Check out the professional directory here on the ADDA website for a list of providers.

This might not be what you want to hear, but your daughter has to feel better about herself before she can be much help to you around the house. Actions usually follow emotions in my experience.

I wish you so much luck, and support, and good juju!



  • Subscribe to the ADDA Insider
    and get our Starter Kit as a Bonus!

    I understand that in submitting this form I will be subscribed to ADDA's mailing list. I’ve read and accept the terms & conditions

    Leave a Comment

    A Letter to the Authorities

    By Heather Kyle I'm ADHD. I've been punished for it all my life. The…

    Why Won’t You Help?

    By Ken Vernon Like many adults with Inattentive type ADHD, I was diagnosed later…

    Managing Your Finances the ADHD Way

    Managing your finances doesn't have to be stressful.  We know - due dates, credit…

    What can I do when I just want to give up – like dealing with clutter?

    Q: What can I do when I just want to give up - like…

    Diversity Is Dead: Freestyle Thoughts on Neurodiversity, Black Life, Reconciliation and the Commodification of “Wokeness”

    by Romanza McAllister, LCSW Right now, there is a fire in my belly! Yes,…

    ADDA Stands Together

    The ADHD community has focused and continues to focus on the needs and stories…