Q: How can I find a career I enjoy and am able to do? I found out at age 40 that I have ADD and it has caused major issues in my marriage. I have been working dead-end or seasonal jobs my entire life. But now I would like to find a career/full-time, year-round job that I enjoy and am able to do. I just don’t know where to start. My wife tries to help me but I just end up frustrating her and then we end up fighting. Can you please help?
My first thought is that finding a job is only one part of the puzzle.
Relationships are so complicated – have you and your wife talked to anyone about how ADHD impacts your relationship? Unless your wife has a very comprehensive knowledge of the condition, her attempts to “help” could make both of you frustrated and resentful. First, if you are able, find a counselor or therapist who understands ADHD. If you would rather talk to someone on your own first and then add your wife, that makes sense. At some point, most “mixed” couples will need a third party to help them work through the communication and other issues. This is common and nothing to be embarrassed about. ADDA has an online support group for couples just like you, so make sure you check that out, too.
In general, a strengths-based approach works best when choosing a career path. There are career coaches who specialize in helping ADHD adults work through this process. My best advice is to spend some time on the inner work of ADHD, as well as building up your relationship with your wife. That will put you in a better headspace to look for work.
I hope this helps. Stay in touch, ADDA is a great place to start this journey!