Hi, my Name is Cecilia and I have ADHD. Every time I say that, it reminds me of AA and in many ways the journey to acceptance is much the same.
When I learned I had ADHD, I spent quite a bit of time in denial, not wanting to accept this part of me that was flawed. Like addiction, I was angered by the betrayal of my own behavior… Oh no, I’m late, I forgot my notebook, i can’t remember her name, I’m talking too loud, too much, too fast, did I just say that?!?!
And then there’s the aftermath, the morning after. The humiliation that comes with being judged for an inherent flaw that I did not ask for. And just like the time before, I promise to never hit rock bottom again. I accept the endless advice from those who’ve never walked in my shoes because I am in no position to turn a deaf ear because this time I’ll code switch my way to a normative brain. But no matter how hard I try, I still wake up to the sober reality that I cannot hack my way to a better memory or a calm mind. And in those moments, I accept.
I’m Cecilia and I have ADHD. That is when the healing begins….